Rinse
by Tari Elensar
Summary: [D/Hr] - Hermione's crush becomes an obsession.


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Title: Rinse

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Author: Tári Elensar

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Email: tari_elensar@hotmail.com

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Summary: Hermione's crush becomes obsession. (D/Hr). Introducing CrazyLoveSick!Hermione. ^-^

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Category: D/Hr, D/P

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Rating: PG-13 

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic. The lyrics are from the song _Rinse_ by Vanessa Carlton. No money is being made from this story.

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Author's Note: I love angst so be warned. I also tend to write characters over the top so be warned about that too. ^_~ And yes this fic stands alone so don't expect anymore chapters. There may be a sequel at some point but for now it's all by it's lonesome so don't ask where the rest of it is. It's up to you on how you take the ending. Reviews of course are always welcome! ^_^

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She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye

She would suffer, she would fight and compromise

"Hermione? Hermione?"

The frantic whisper of her friend Harry Potter broke through Hermione's thoughts and she shook her head quickly to shake the feeling of disappointment that it wasn't Him. 

"What?" she whispered back, turning quickly to look into the big green eyes that were searching her curiously. 

"What's wrong with you?" Harry asked as Hermione turned back around. She didn't want to lose sight of Him for a second. Harry sighed with slight annoyance and pushed a cutting board covered with potion ingredients in Hermione's direction. "Snape said we have ten minutes to finish this potion and you've barely started."

"Oh...right," Hermione muttered. She'd been watching Him so intently that she'd forgotten they were in class and had been given an assignment. Tearing her eyes away for a moment, Hermione stared down in confusion at the board Harry had just given her. "What's this?" she asked, peering at the ingredients strewn across it.

Harry rolled his eyes and then glanced at Snape quickly to make sure he wasn't watching. "I cut up your ingredients for you," he explained. "Quick just put them in and--" Harry stopped abruptly noticing Snape looking their way. 

"Thanks," Hermione muttered out of the corner of her mouth as she started tipping the different herbs and plants into her cauldron, her eyes fixed again on the back of His head. _This is getting worse than I thought,_ Hermione realised as He put a hand to his head and smoothed back his hair, sending chills up Hermione's spine. _I can't believe I'm willing to compromise my schoolwork and grades just so I can watch Him._

She continued to stare, faintly aware that her cauldron was bubbling softly and that Harry had just lent over to turn the fire beneath it down. To Harry it merely looked as though she was spacing out. And who could blame her? She hadn't had much sleep lately, coming and going at all hours of the night. Harry was sure she was going to the library to study. However, even for Hermione that was a bit odd.

Hermione sighed as the rest of the classroom around her blurred and the noise faded out. All that mattered was Him. She didn't notice another person until that girl - the girl she loathed so very much - walked past Him, on her way to put something in the bin and teasingly flicked the back of his head while Snape wasn't looking. Hermione flinched as He started to go slightly pink and turned to watch her, an almost adoring grin on his face. A grin that was almost never seen. _Why do I have to be me?_ Hermione wondered with dismay_. Why do I have to be a Gryffindor...and a Muggle born? Nothing more than a disgusting Mudblood? Why can't I be Pansy Parkinson?_

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She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright

For answers to questions that will haunt her tonight

The end of the lesson was drawing near and after much prompting from both Harry and Ron who had noticed Hermione spacing out all lesson as well, Hermione packed away her things. She glanced at her watch and silently counted down the seconds. _10...9...8...7...6..._

She braced herself. If she wanted to do this, she had to do it now. She had to know what it was that He liked so much about Pansy and not her. She had so many questions and now she wanted answers. Hermione's eyes flicked away from Him for a second and fell on the front table. Snape had obviously been preparing a potion of his own up there and Hermione could hardly believe her luck. The moment she had walked in at the start of the lesson she knew it had to have been fate at work. The one ingredient she needed to finish her own potion with was sitting right there on the front table. If this was going to work, it was going to work now. 

The shrill sound of a ringing bell from somewhere above them pierced Hermione's ears and she swore her heart stopped. Harry, Ron, and the rest of the class leapt from their seats and hurried to the door. Hermione followed at a slow walk, reaching into her bag along the way. Her hands closed around what she was looking for and with a shaky hand she pulled out a Filibuster Firework that she had stolen out of Ron's trunk when he had been in the common room. Hermione took a deep breath and for the millionth time since devising the plan wondered if she was crazy. _I could get into serious trouble for this,_ she thought but as her eyes roamed the room and fixed themselves on the back of His head as it disappeared out the door, Hermione knew she just had to know. 

Letting out her breath Hermione threw the Filibuster Firework to the other side of the room and broke into a run so it wouldn't look like she was near the scene of the crime. As she hurried out of the classroom she passed Snape's desk and with Snape stalking angrily to the other side of the room, his mouth set in a thin fuming line, Hermione was free to grab a small amount of Boomslang skin and shove it into her robes. Without looking back to see if she'd been seen, Hermione fled the classroom. 

"What was that?" Harry asked as she caught up to him and Ron. 

"What?" she asked, slightly out of breath. 

"That noise in Snape's classroom," Ron said, turning as if to go back and investigate. "It almost sounded like...

"I'm sure it was nothing," Hermione insisted grabbing his arm and turning him back to the direction of Gryffindor Tower. Ron started blushing as he looked down at her hand on his arm and dropped the subject, forgetting, Hermione hoped, about the noise. 

But Hermione would never forget. The Boomslang was practically burning a hole in her pocket_. Am I really doing this?_ Hermione wondered again. _Have I seriously lost it?_

"I'm insane," Hermione muttered. 

"What?" Ron asked, looking at her suspiciously. Even Harry was looking over, a worried look etched on his face. 

Hermione shook her head. "Nothing," she said quickly. "Nothing."

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She must rinse this all away

She can't hold him this way

She must rinse this all away

She can't love him this way

It was strange that she was now in her sixth year at Hogwarts and Moaning Myrtle's bathroom still hadn't been fixed. _Not that I'm complaining,_ Hermione thought, slipping in silently and pulling the Invisibility Cloak that she'd borrowed - okay stolen - from Harry, off her shoulders_. And I suppose Myrtle would just ruin it again anyway. _

Speaking of Myrtle, where is she? Hermione wondered peering into the gloomy, dull light. Lately she'd been waiting by the door for Hermione to come in every night, but as she listened carefully, all Hermione could hear was soft snores coming from the last stall. 

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Good, Hermione thought with relief as she hurried into one of the others and closed the door behind her. She knelt down beside a bubbling cauldron and felt her heart contract. She remembered the last time she had done this. For some reason the idea that Harry and Ron were going to be with her had made her feel less sneaky last time. But now...

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What am I thinking? Hermione wondered as she stared at the cauldron in disbelief_. This is completely different. I've lied to Harry and Ron. I've crept around the castle in the middle of the night. I've stolen from a teacher. And I'm about to do something that will get me expelled for sure if I'm caught._ Hermione looked down at her hands and realised they were shaking violently. _This isn't me,_ she realised_. Something's happened to me. _Hermione knew it. She knew she wasn't acting like herself but it was also as if she had no control over the situation. It was as though she was watching someone else destroy herself with this mental torment_. But I can't turn back now, _Hermione thought leaning over to stir the Polyjuice Potion. _I have to know._

For a moment Hermione closed her eyes and let a single tear run down her cheek. She hated what she had turned into but she saw no other option. _I suppose this is similar to last time,_ she thought pulling the vial with Pansy's hair out of her pocket. _After all, I'm going to be using this potion to try to fool Draco Malfoy again..._

How she'd be soothed. How she'd be saved if he could see

She needs to be held in his arms to be free

For a second the potion turned a strange bright pink colour as Hermione added one of Pansy's hairs. She still couldn't believe that she'd gotten one - one that she was sure was Pansy's and not a cat's. The plan was to sneak up behind her during Care of Magical Creatures when no one else was looking. However, Hermione was sure that again fate was giving her hand as everything had suddenly been made a whole lot easier. Half way through the lesson Pansy had decided to take a hideous looking hair clip, shaped like a huge sparkling flower, out of her hair and place it on a bench near Hagrid's cabin. This was so that the monkey-like creatures Hagrid had brought for them couldn't pull it out of her hair as they crawled all over them. It had then been simple for Hermione to slip over to the bench, pull a few of the long blonde hairs off it, and shove them in her pocket. 

And now the moment had come. It seemed only yesterday Hermione had stolen the Boomslang from Snape and added it to her potion under Moaning Myrtle's watchful eye. The moping ghost had threatened to tell but Hermione had struck a deal with her promising to bring Harry to visit if she never mentioned to a single soul what Hermione was doing. Not that Myrtle knew the whole story anyway but she figured any slip up could cost her everything. 

Wrinkling up her nose Hermione stirred the potion which had turned a gluggy green colour again. _This is it,_ Hermione realised as she glanced down at the Slytherin robes she had managed to squeeze into. After consulting the Marauder's Map she had found out where the Slytherin laundry room was and with some help from the house elves managed to find one of Pansy's robes that was going to be laundered. Hermione looked back at the potion, glad she hadn't looked at herself in the mirror. Pansy it seemed was a whole lot slimmer than Hermione and her chest was a substantial amount larger, therefore Hermione had to squeeze her stomach and hips into the tapered, tailor made robes leaving the top half embarrassingly baggy._ Soon they'll fit though,_ Hermione assured herself as she peered once more at the potion. It looked ready. With a sigh she filled a glass and stared at it for a moment. 

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The sneaking around, the lies, what I'll lose if I get caught...Is it really worth it? Hermione wondered. How long she'd planned this for....To make sure that Pansy had left for her Christmas holiday in Hawaii that morning before conveniently returning after dinner saying she had forgotten something. It had all been planned and calculated perfectly. But was it worth it?

Hermione sank to the floor of the stall, the potion still in hands and sighed deeply, thinking about the way Draco's blonde hair had become longer and messier as he got older. How it fell in his eyes and framed his face, contrasting with his once pale skin that was now bronzed and golden. How he smiled. Not smirked. Really smiled. The way he looked at Pansy. The way he spoke to his friends. The way he moved. If Hermione concentrated really hard on those parts of him, it was easy to forget that he hated her because she was a Muggle born. Easy to forget how he hated Harry, her best friend. How he'd been trying to get Hagrid fired. How he taunted Gyffindors and bragged to everyone about his evil father's wealth. But it was never easy to forget how she'd had a crush on him since the first moment she'd laid eyes on him back in their first year and how he hadn't given her a second glance. How obsessed he'd made her. How crazy. All Hermione could think about was how much she loved him and how much she'd give away everything for him to love her back. She knew she shouldn't love him but there was nothing she could do about it. It was out of her control. 

Without giving it another thought, Hermione tipped her head back and the potion slid past her lips and down her throat. She barely had time to shudder at the taste before she felt her body begin to change. 

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But everything happens for reasons that she will never understand

'Til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man

"What are you doing in here?"

Hermione spun around to see Myrtle hovering about behind her. 

"Myrtle it's Hermione," she insisted, surprised at first to hear Pansy's soft husky voice coming out of her mouth. _No,_ she corrected herself, looking in the mirror. _Pansy's mouth._ Because she _was_ Pansy. She was beautiful, not the same pug-faced girl Pansy had once been nor the boring plain girl Hermione always would be. She was tall, blonde, curvy and just plain gorgeous. Hermione couldn't help but slide her hands down over her hips and down her leg, just to feel what it was like to be as thin and curved as the popular Slytherin girl. Forgetting where she was and completely entranced by her own beauty, she almost giggled as she cupped one of her breasts in her hand, amazed at what it was like to look down and see more than a very small bump on her chest. 

Myrtle made a face. "Stop touching yourself," she said in a disgusted tone. "I believe that you're Hermione. You act like you've never seen a woman's body before." Myrtle's eyes began to fill with tears, realising, Hermione was sure, that she would never be a grown woman. With a wail, Myrtle flew up in the air and a splash came from one of the toilets, indicating Myrtle had taken a dive. 

"I should go," Hermione said quickly, knowing it would be a matter of seconds before Myrtle flooded the bathroom. Plus she only had a limited amount of time. "I'll be back in an hour," she called. Myrtle answered with a gurgling moan. With one last look in the mirror, Hermione hurried out of the bathroom and downstairs to the Great Hall, hoping that they were just finishing dinner. 

She was right. As she paused on the staircase Hermione could see the Slytherins coming out of the dining room and heading downstairs to the dungeons. And that's when she saw him. Draco. His white blonde hair shone and stood out amongst the rest and he was hardly mistakable between the two huge bodyguards that were Crabbe and Goyle. Taking a deep breath and gathering up all her courage, Hermione ran after them. 

"Draco!"

Draco spun around, a surprised look on his face. "Pansy what are you doing here?" he asked, his eyes wide with confusion. "I thought you left this morning."

Hermione felt her face flush and the entire script that she had planned flew from her mind. All she could see was him. 

"Oh...er...Well...I forgot a few things and I thought I should come and see you and er...I miss you when you're not around." Hermione could feel her face going even redder. She hadn't planned to get so mushy so early but from the looks on all three boys faces, this seemed to the be way Pansy normally spoke. 

Draco's eyes softened. "Come here," he said, pulling a surprised Hermione into his arms. She'd _never_ seen Draco act like this before. 

Hermione's body was shivering as it pressed up against Draco's. She didn't know how to react while she was this close to him, breathing in his scent. She tilted her head back to look into his grey eyes. They were even more beautiful close up and Hermione felt herself getting dizzy. She'd never been so close to him before and she doubted she ever would be again. Draco gave her a small smile and kissed the top of her head before pulling away. It was almost like Draco was a two different people because seconds later the mask that Hermione was so used to seeing was back on his face. Obviously, Draco didn't like showing affection in public. "I know why you came back," he whispered with a smirk. 

Hermione didn't have a chance to ask him what he meant because a familiar voice suddenly called out behind them. 

"Get a room!" it yelled as it passed. 

Draco's mouth twisted into a cruel sneer while Hermione turned, stumbling a little as she moved out of Draco's embrace and came face to face with Ron and Harry. Ron, obviously the one that had spoken, was looking disgusted. 

"You'd like another room, wouldn't you Weasley?" Draco asked in his cold drawl. "I'm sure any room me and Pansy could afford would be worth more than the entire house you live in. Is it true that there's only one bedroom and you all sleep on the floor?" He glanced at Hermione as if looking for back up or approval but Hermione found her brain unable to comprehend what was going on. She just flinched as she noticed the look on Ron's face. 

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What am I doing? Hermione wondered. She hated hurting her friends but Draco meant everything to her_. How can I love him so much when he hurts the people I care about?_ Hermione thought as she watched Harry and Ron walk away, Harry muttering something about finding Hermione. Hermione took a deep breath, convinced that she was doing the right thing now. _Some time with Draco will be good for me, _she thought. _I'll be able to see who he really is and then maybe I can finally rinse this obsession away._

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She must rinse this all away

She can't hold him this way

She must rinse this all away

She can't love him this way

Hermione continued to stare after Ron and Harry, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions_. This is crazy, _she thought. _Crazy. _

"Pansy?" A soft hand on her arm, broke her thoughts and Hermione turned to look into Draco's eyes, her lips involuntarily melting into a smile. 

"Yes?" she asked, a little breathless. 

Draco's grey eyes glittered. "Come on," he prompted. "Your parents are waiting, right? Don't you want to say a proper good bye?"

Hermione didn't even stop to think about what that meant. She nodded. "Yes. Yes I do. Let's go."

She slid her hand into Draco's and together they walked, following Crabbe and Goyle to the dungeons. Hermione shivered as Draco said the password and they entered the common room. It was the first time she'd been in here and she didn't like it one bit. It was dark and depressing and nothing how she pictured Draco to be. But he seemed completely at home. 

Feeling as though her feet were rooted to the spot, Hermione just stood and stared for a moment. 

"Pansy?" Draco prompted again, his arm slipping around her waist and pulling her insistently. "Come on. I know you hate it down here...Takes you away from the sunlight. But I promise I'll warm you up." He gave Hermione a seductive smirk that made her insides melt. 

"Okay," she whispered hoarsely as she watched Crabbe and Goyle flop down on a leather couch and open a huge box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. 

"Have fun," Goyle called with a wink. Crabbe gave a wolf whistle but still Hermione took no notice of this. She was still in awe of the fact that she was with Draco and he was looking at her with love in his eyes. _Okay maybe not love,_ Hermione realised as she followed Draco down a corridor to another room_. But fondness...Or something else?_

"After you," Draco said graciously, opening a door and holding it open for her. Hermione smiled at him and entered the room that was obviously Draco's bedroom. 

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Oh my god! Hermione's mind was screaming. _I'm in Draco Malfoy's bedroom. This is where the he lives and sleeps._ She looked around eagerly at the shelves piled high with obviously rare and valuable magical items, the expensive silk sheets that Hermione longed to run her fingers over and the one framed photo that sat on an expensive wooden desk. Not being able to control herself Hermione crossed the room and lifted the photo inspecting it. A very serious, eight year old Draco Malfoy sat with his father and mother, both looking equally serious. They were barely moving. As Draco's face stared out from the frame Hermione jumped in surprise as he suddenly winked. 

"Pansy are you okay?" Draco asked and Hermione spun around realising that Draco was lighting candles. 

"Yeah I'm fine," she said quickly, pushing her blonde hair out of her eyes. "I'm just...just looking at this..." She lowered her eyes again to where the Draco in the picture was now mouthing something at her. She frowned and tried to make out what it was. "You're...My...Old...Knee...?" she muttered. 

"What?" Draco asked, putting down his wand. 

Hermione spun around. _Oh god,_ she thought as the Draco in the photo mouthed it to her again. _Not 'You're My Old Knee', _she realised. _Hermione!_ _But how could the photo know that? _

"Nothing," Hermione said quickly. "I was...I was just going to ask you if...If I could have this photo! Yeah that's right...Erm...to remember you while I'm in Hawaii."

Draco gave her a strange look and walked over to her. "Pansy I don't know..." he said softly. "You know that's the only photo I have of my family together...And don't you already have hundreds of photos of me?"

"Er...well yes," Hermione said, shooting him a weak smile. "But I don't have many of you as a kid and well...this is cute and so...Can I please--"

Hermione was cut off by a searing kiss. Although it caught Hermione off guard she found herself kissing Draco back, her heart beating so quickly and so violently, Hermione was sure Draco could hear it. This is what she'd been wanting. 

After a moment, Draco broke the kiss. "Why are you worrying about photos..." he asked as he pulled the frame from her hands and placed it back on the bedside table. He wrapped his arms around Hermione's waist and pulled her closer, "...when you can have the real thing?"

Breathing heavily, Hermione couldn't answer. She stared into Draco's eyes becoming lost in the pure emotion that shone through. _This is a bad idea, a bad idea,_ she chanted in her head_. This isn't making me realise how much I should hate Draco. This is making me fall even more in love with him._ Gently Hermione lent forward and kissed him again. 

They parted and Draco smirked. "That's what I'm talking about," he said. "That's the beautiful, hot, and sexy girlfriend I'm going to miss while you're away. None of this lovey-dovey crap, k Pans? You know how that pisses me off."

Hermione swallowed hard. Obviously, she'd gone too far. _What would the real Pansy do right now?_ she wondered. Hermione looked away for a moment. Draco sighed with annoyance.

"What's wrong Pansy?" he asked, holding her at arms length. "I thought you wanted to say good bye."

"Well...I do," Hermione said gently. "I just...Malfoy can we talk for a moment...?"

"You know what?" Draco snapped suddenly. "It can wait. This is so like you Pansy, taking me down here, getting me all ready and then saying you need 'to talk'. And what's with this _Malfoy_ crap? Please can we just kiss for like five seconds without you saying anything?"

Hermione closed her mouth quickly. She was in shock. Draco had changed in a matter of seconds. _Is this how he treats Pansy? _she wondered, her eyes wide. 

"That's better," Draco muttered, pulling her to him again. He kissed her forcefully, while reaching for the clasps on her robes. He found and unclipped them, sliding the garments off her. 

Hermione froze. She couldn't count the amount of times she'd dreamed or fantasized this happening but now that she was finally here...She coudn't let him touch her, could she? _This is so wrong,_ Hermione thought, more confused than ever but as Draco moved down to gently kiss her neck, Hermione knew she wasn't going to turn back. 

Draco's sucking on her neck became harder and Hermione gave a cry of pain as she felt his teeth join the party. No wonder Pansy always wore robes with high collars. His hands moved all over her body, touching and exploring as though he had an all access pass to her body. _What are you doing?_ her mind screamed. 

Unable to move or react, Hermione just let Draco touch her. He scared her suddenly as he pushed her roughly onto the bed. Her eyes stinging with tears as the vision she'd created of this moment in her mind was shattered. Draco paused for a moment and pulled his own robes off so he was standing in front of Hermione in only his underwear. He then laid across her and cupped her face in one hand before bringing his lips down roughly to hers. Hermione not knowing what else to do, kissed him back, his tongue almost choking her as he continued to explore. Hermione felt like she was going to be sick. 

As Draco shed even more of her clothes, Hermione found that after a moment she didn't even care anymore. _This isn't my body,_ she thought, _he's not doing this to me. My mind is here but he's not doing this to me. He's doing this to Pansy. He wants Pansy. Not me. _

And then finally it seemed that this thought broke through above the rest. He wanted Pansy. Hermione meant nothing to him. 

With a burst of energy Hermione pushed his shoulders hard and shoved him off her. Draco fell off the bed and sprawled on the floor. Panting heavily, he looked up at her. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded. 

Hermione took a deep breath and quickly covered up her exposed breast that only moments ago Draco had been hard at work on. "I have to go," she panted. "My...my parents..."

"Fuck them," Draco insisted jumping back up and making a dive for her. 

Hermione jumped out of the way and he missed. "No," she said firmly. "I have to go...Please I'll..." Hermione started hunting around for her clothes but paused when she noticed her reflection in his mirror. He heart dropped as she realised Pansy's blonde hair was suddenly going a streaky brown colour. "Oh god," she breathed. Forgetting the rest of her clothes she pulled her robe over her and did up the clasp. 

She turned to say good bye to Draco and noticed him sitting on the bed staring down at the photo frame that Hermione had been looking at before. Her eyes welled with tears. This hadn't at all gone how she'd planned and now the Draco in the picture was probably mouthing the same things to him that he'd said to Hermione just before. 

"Good bye Draco," she said softly, noticing that her voice was changing ever so slightly. 

Draco didn't even look up. "Bye," he muttered still staring at the picture. 

The tears suddenly spilled down her cheeks and Hermione ran from the room only seconds before Draco's confused voice cried, "Hermione?!"

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And if she runs away she fears she won't be followed

What could be worse than leaving something behind

And as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow

It's loneliness she finds…

If only he was mine

As Hermione fled the Slytherin dungeons and ran past a confused Crabbe and Goyle and an empty Every Flavour Beans box, Hermione felt as though her insides were being torn apart. Part of her longed for Draco to follow her, to come and tell her that this had all been a mistake that he really was a sweet and caring man that loved her, but Hermione knew that not only would it be a lie, but that he'd be saying it to Pansy and Hermione didn't think she could stand the pain. 

__

This was stupid. Completely stupid, she thought as she ran up the stairs towards Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Nothing could compare to the pain she felt in her heart, in her mind and in her soul. 

She burst into the bathroom and headed straight for a cubicle making it in only seconds before she threw up. Sobbing violently she didn't even hear someone approach her from behind. 

"Hermione."

The voice was gentle, caring and seemed to understand the pain she was feeling. Feeling as though she was losing control, Hermione turned around and wrapped her arms around Harry's neck as she sobbed into his shoulder. Gently, Harry rubbed her back and stroked her hair. 

Neither of them knew how long they stood there for but when Hermione pulled away and looked at herself in the mirror, the only person that stared back at her was Hermione Granger. Her eyes red and bloodshot, she pulled herself out of Harry's arms and turned to Ron, hugging him tightly too before stepping back. She looked at the floor, ashamed and angry at what she'd done to herself and to the people she cared about. 

"Here, put these on."

Silently Hermione took the clothes from Ron and realising they were her own robes she finally brought her eyes up to meet his. "How did you know?" she asked. 

"Moaning Myrtle," Harry explained, stepping forward. "We came looking for you and we found all the ingredients and Myrtle told us who you'd changed into and...well we figured it out. It was pretty obvious actually...We just didn't want to believe it."

Hermione looked away again. "Are you ashamed of me?" she asked. "Do you feel angry? Pity?"

Neither boy answered. "Just get changed Hermione," Harry said gently. "We'll talk more about this later."

Taking the moment to slip away, Hermione went into a stall and changed. She came out and found Ron and Harry sitting on the floor. Wiping her eyes, she joined them. For a moment, they all sat in silence. 

"Why?" Harry asked. 

Hermione swallowed. "I don't know," she admitted. "I just...I can't stop thinking about him. It's like I'm under a spell...I know he's evil but...I...I love him."

"No you don't," Ron snapped. "No one could ever love him. He's vile and disgusting and--"

"A complete disgrace to the wizarding world," Hermione finished. "I know. I saw it. But I can't stop."

There was silence again. Harry looked as though he wanted to say something. His jaw looked set as though he was angry or annoyed with Hermione's actions but Ron spoke first. 

"Did he hurt you?"

Hermione brought her eyes up, grateful for the caring tone of Ron's voice. "No," she lied. She knew that this experience would remain with her forever. 

Ron brought a hand up and moved her robes, running a finger over the bite mark on Hermione's neck but he said nothing. 

Sighing, Harry finally spoke again. "We have to tell someone Hermione," he said. "This isn't like you...You're...You're sick and you need help. Maybe you really are under a love spell."

Hermione jumped to her feet. "I'm fine Harry," she told him. "Really. I'm fine. It was just a crush. A stupid crush. I'll get over it."

Harry stood up too. "It wasn't just a crush," he retorted. "It was an obsession. This isn't you Hermione."

"Well maybe I don't want to be me!" she cried back. 

__

She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye

She would suffer, she would fight and compromise

She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright

For answers to questions that will haunt her tonight

They fell silent and the only noise that could be heard was a gurgle coming from Myrtle's stall indicating she was listening from inside the toilet. 

__

This can't be happening, Hermione thought as tears rolled down her cheeks_. Haven't I gone through enough emotional torture for tonight? I can't deal with this too. They would never understand the way Draco makes me do crazy things. They'll never understand the pain it puts me through to see him everyday with someone else. _

"Well who do you want to be?" Harry asked finally. "Pansy Parkinson?"

"No!" Hermione retorted. "No. Okay? Harry you're never going to understand this. So don't even bother trying."

Ron remained quiet, looking back and forth between the two of them, his eyes wide. 

"I don't understand obsession?" Harry asked in disbelief, trying to fight down the annoyed tone in his voice. "I don't see the people pawing over me just because I have a stupid scar on my forehead, never really wanting to know me for me, just for my name and what that represents? Perhaps that's what you see in Malfoy. A name."

Hermione looked away. "That's not fair Harry. You know that. You know me. I've never done this before. There must be a reason for it."

"Yeah and we're waiting!" Harry snapped. "What is it?"

Taking a deep breath, Hermione muttered something. 

"What?"

"I love him!" she spat out finally. "I love him and that's all there is to it."

"You're bloody mental you know that?"

"I...I can't take this anymore..." Hermione stammered.

Without waiting for a response, Hermione ran from the bathroom, unsure on where she was going. She heard Ron call out to her but she kept running. 

Hermione's footsteps echoed on the hard stone steps as she hurried up to Astronomy Tower. She just needed a place to sit and clear her head. It didn't seem to matter what would happen if she was caught. She was sick of caring. 

__

How did I let this get so out of control? she wondered_. How did I become so obsessed with someone I hate so much? And will this pain and hurt ever leave me?_

Memory charms, Hermione realised_. It's the only thing left for me. Why I didn't do it a long time ago, I'll never know. But a Memory Charm is the only way I can rinse this pain away. I can forget him. _

Reaching into her robes, Hermione was grateful to see that Harry and Ron and gotten the ones that were on her bed, the ones in which she'd left her wand. She pulled it out and turned it over in her hands for a moment. _If I do this,_ she thought, _I'm going to do it so I forget everything. Nothing matters anymore. It would be better to start from scratch using Ron and Harry's opinions of Draco, than by knowing who he is and what I am to him._

"A clean break," Hermione whispered. "A chance to rinse away the mistakes I've made."

Taking a deep breath Hermione closed her eyes and pointed the wand at her. Somewhere in the distance she could hear feet pounding up steps and she realised that Ron and Harry must have been coming to look for her. _Now!_ her mind screamed. 

The door to the Astronomy room burst open and someone cried out to her, "Hermione!"

Hermione tightened her eyes even more. Than she whispered, "_Obliviate._"

Minutes later Hermione woke up. Her head ached from hitting the stone floor and she opened her eyes as a hand reached down to help her up. 

For a moment Hermione just stared blankly at the handsome blonde haired boy that was offering her his hand. Confused and shaken, Hermione let him help her up. She stared at him again for a moment before finally asking, "Who are you?"

__

She must rinse this all away

She can't hold him this way

She must rinse this all away

She can't love him this way

****************


End file.
